A conductor was having a lot of trouble with a drummer.
He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much advice, but his performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he took a critical jab at the drummer, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer, which must be why you play the drums.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section, “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”
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A man sits down on a bar stool and tells the bartender, “Pour me a drink before the trouble starts.”
The bartender looks puzzled, but pours him a drink.
The man chugs it and says, “Pour me another drink before the trouble starts.”
The bartender does and the man downs it as quickly as the first.
After a few more rounds, the bartender says, “Look, pal: you’ve had five drinks and all you talk about is ‘some trouble starting.’ Just when is this trouble supposed to start?”
The man replies, “Just as soon as you discover I don’t have the money to pay you for these drinks!”
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Wife: “There’s trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in a carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the pool.”