A lady walks into Tiffany’s.
She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesperson doesn’t pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”
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A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents.
While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:
– Rocky!!
The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip.
The boy’s father is getting nervous:
– Rocky!! be careful now!!
Worried no more the girl fires another one.
Feeling exasperated, the boy’s father yells:
– Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!
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With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision,
a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out.
The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay but after a while she slowly started to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her out.
Again, she seemed okay but after a while she started to tilt to the other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright.
This went on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman didn’t fall.
Later, the family arrived to see how she was adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they asked.
“It’s very nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let you fart.”