You’ve got everything planned out: what to wear, dinner reservations, suggestions for where to go for a drink afterward, a few witty anecdotes — this is going to be the best First Date in the history of first dates.
But then, as you’re waiting for dessert, you go on a 15-minute rant about your ex. Crash and burn.
Sometimes we spend so much time thinking about what to get right on a first date, we forget to plan for what could go wrong. And what could go wrong is you.
1. Don’t Be Late
If you want to impress on the first date, make sure you’re prepared. Give yourself ample time to finish work, do errands and get ready for your night out. You don’t want to be that person who has to send “just one last email for work,” or show up with your gym bag.
If you’re running late, chances are you won’t be looking your best either and you definitely want to be dressed your best. When people are late, they tend to get flustered, and the reality is that your date is going to be judging and evaluating every little thing — so you don’t want to do something out of character.
2. Don’t Overdo It
Everything in moderation, right? You might be hungry, but it isn’t the best idea to try and get to the bottom of an Olive Garden’s bottomless bowl of pasta (bonus tip: don’t go to the Olive Garden on a first date).
You also don’t want to overdo the booze. A drink or two to calm the nerves can often help the night go smoother, but once you’ve polished off your sixth vodka soda, chances are things are going to get sloppy (and not in a good way).
And while you want the conversation to progress naturally, also make sure not to dwell on any one conversation topic for too long. Sure, you may the biggest Game of Thrones fan, but maybe your date is just being polite and doesn’t really want to hear about which Lannister you hate the most.
A good rule of thumb is to periodically ask your date a question or two, making sure they have the opportunity to share their own thoughts and experiences. Never getting an opportunity to share on a date can be draining and it’s actually something lots of women complain about when it comes to dating men.
3. Don’t Spend the Night on Your Phone
Just don’t. Checking your phone, even if you feel like it’s relatively brief, will be seen by a lot of people as a sign of disrespect. Do yourself and your date a solid and put it on “do not disturb” and keep it in your pocket.
Unless you’re using it to show your date something or check a germane thing like public transit, a rideshare or what time something opens or closes (and even then these should be kept to a minimum) it should stay out of sight for the date.
4. Don’t Be Rude
Seems simple enough. But sometimes we don’t notice when we’re being rude. Be careful not to interrupt too much or talk down to your date.
Bonus advice? Tons of guys stumble and rob themselves of a chance at a second date by being rude to their servers or other employees they’re interacting with on a date. Women regularly
5. Don’t Talk About Anything Too Serious
Having the same interests and life views is incredibly important, and some topics will need to be debated eventually, but the first date isn’t the right time.
Once you’re more comfortable with each other, it will be easier to have honest conversations. You also don’t want to bring up all the bad things that have happened to you recently. You’re on a date with a person you’re interested in — don’t be a downer.
In fact, if you’re worried about accidentally going on a lengthy rant, brainstorming some fun conversation topics ahead of time isn’t a terrible idea.
6. Don’t Try to Force the Situation
You might have planned to go from dinner to a great cocktail bar (that happens to be right around the corner from your place), but maybe a great dinner was the right first step. If the first date looks to be ending early, though, do bring up seeing each other again.
And if you felt like there was genuine chemistry, asking if they want to kiss is a reasonable approach — you’re making your attrlong run.
7. Be Honest, But Don’t Be Too Revealing
Never lie on a first date — it’ll just snowball and ruin things further down the line. But that doesn’t mean that you have to tell your life story, chapter and verse. You need something to talk about on that second date, right?