So, your once-on-fire sex life has gone from can’t keep your hands off each other to… well, it’s been a minute. Maybe you’re wondering: Is this normal? Are we broken? Let’s talk about it.
According to sex therapist Laurie Watson, author of Wanting Sex Again, this is super common. Most couples start off like rabbits during the honeymoon phase and naturally slow down over time. That doesn’t mean anything’s wrong—it just means you’re human.
In fact, having less sex might even mean your relationship is maturing. You’re seeing friends again. You’re diving into hobbies. You’re probably a little less obsessed and a lot more comfortable—and that’s a good thing.
But if you’re feeling disconnected or worried that something’s off in the bedroom (or lack thereof), you’re not alone. Here’s what experts say about what “normal” really means—and how to navigate the sex question in long-term love.
So… How Much Sex Is “Enough”?
The short answer? There’s no magic number.
“Society loves to tell us more sex = better relationship,” says certified sexologist LilithFoxx, “but that’s not always true.” Movies, TV, your overly honest best friend—none of those should define your sex life.
The better question is: Are you and your partner satisfied?
If the answer is “yes,” then you’re probably doing just fine.
That said, there are signs it might be time to check in:
- You feel more like roommates than lovers
- One of you always initiates—and the other avoids it
- Physical affection feels awkward or distant
- You actively dodge intimacy to avoid the pressure of sex
Desire naturally ebbs and flows with life. But if sex feels like a chore or you’ve stopped having it because something deeper is going on, it’s worth talking about.
But What If We’re in a Dry Spell?
First off: welcome to the club. Seriously.
Some studies suggest couples who have sex about once a week report higher satisfaction—but that’s just an average, not a goal. There are happily committed couples who get busy a few times a year and others who prefer daily intimacy. It’s not about frequency—it’s about fulfillment.
According to LilithFoxx:
“The happiest couples aren’t the ones with the most sex—they’re the ones who feel understood and connected, sexually or otherwise.”
How to Talk About It Without Making It Weird
We get it—talking about sex can feel like walking into a minefield. What if you hurt their feelings? What if it’s awkward? What if you start crying because you just miss the spark?
Here’s the move: curiosity, not criticism.
Instead of saying, “We never have sex anymore,” try:
“I miss feeling physically close to you.”
Open the door with vulnerability instead of blame. Ask what sex means to your partner. Is it about connection? Fun? Stress relief? Be honest about what you need—and ask what they need, too.
And hey, if you both decide you’re actually OK with infrequent sex? That’s also valid. Libido isn’t a moral issue. It changes with seasons, stress, health, and even what’s happening in the world. (Remember lockdown vibes?)
The key is staying connected—whatever that looks like for you two.
Want More Sex? Here’s How to Reignite the Spark
If you both want more intimacy but aren’t sure how to get there, here’s the good news: you don’t need a sex schedule or a weekend retreat to make it happen.
Try These Simple Fixes:
- Flirt more. A text. A wink. A hand on the back.
- Make time for non-sexual closeness. Cuddles count.
- Get out of your routine. Try a new date spot. Go for a walk. Laugh more.
- Lower the pressure. Ask, “Wanna fool around?” instead of, “Do you want sex tonight?”
And yes, morning sex can be your new best friend—especially if you’re both too exhausted by 10 p.m. (Welcome to adulthood.)
Also, don’t wait for the perfect mood. “You don’t have to feel turned on to get started,” Watson says. Touching, kissing, and being close can build arousal naturally.
Over time, those moments of connection stack up. You’ll get better at reading each other, noticing the signs, and acting on them—without needing a whole conversation every time. You’ll develop that sweet shorthand only long-term couples know: the look, the touch, the smile.
The Bottom Line
There’s no “normal” sex life—only what works for you.
If you’re both feeling happy, connected, and understood, that’s the gold standard. If not, you can fix it—but only if you talk about it first.
Sex isn’t just about frequency. It’s about intimacy, trust, play, and yes—sometimes, scheduling a babysitter or taking a nap first. Love changes. Bodies change. But communication keeps the connection alive.
So go ahead—have the conversation. Your future (very satisfied) self will thank you.