Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine
They say laughter is the best cure for stress, and what better way to start your day than with a good laugh? We’ve put together a handful of funny jokes about married life—complete with clueless husbands, clever maids, and a few unexpected turns.
These jokes remind us that even when marriage gets messy, humor can lighten the mood. So take a break, sit back, and enjoy these short stories that show the silly side of love and relationships. After all, laughter is a simple but powerful way to connect and share joy.
Maid Wants a Raise
A maid asked her boss’s wife for a raise, which upset the wife.
Wife: “Helen, why do you think you deserve more money?”
Helen: “Three reasons. First, I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who told you that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “Second, I cook better than you.”
Wife: “And who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband again.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “Third, I’m a better lover than you.”
Wife: “Did my husband say that too?”
Helen: “No, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So, how much of a raise are you asking for?”
A Surprise at the Supermarket
A man was shopping when an attractive woman waved and greeted him. He was confused because he didn’t recognize her.
“Do you know me?” he asked.
She replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my children.”
His mind instantly flashed back to the only time he cheated on his wife. Nervously he said, “Oh no… are you the woman from my bachelor party? The one I was with near the pool, when I broke down crying after realizing I cheated?”
She calmly looked at him and said, “No. I’m your son’s teacher.”
Six Feet in the Bed
A woman was in bed with her lover when her husband suddenly came home.
“Stay put,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t notice.”
The husband stumbled into bed. But after a while, through his blurry vision, he noticed six feet at the end of the bed.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “There are six feet here. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re too drunk to count,” his wife said. “Get up and try again from over there.”
The husband got up, counted carefully, and said, “One, two, three, four. Huh. You’re right.”
April Fool’s Gone Wrong
Husband: “I cheated once.”
Wife: “So did I.”
Husband: “First of Apriii—”
Wife: “Eighteenth of June.”
The Hostage Situation
A burglar broke into a house, tied up a husband and wife back to back on chairs, and began robbing the place.
After stealing everything valuable, the burglar prepared to leave. The husband pleaded, “Please, untie her. Let her go!”
The burglar shook his head. “No. If I leave you both tied up, no one will call the police right away. Don’t worry—your neighbors will wonder why the lights are still on and check in long before you’re in any real danger.”
Hostage Hostility (Extended)
The man pleaded again, “Please, just untie her, I’ll do anything!”
The burglar shook his head. “I need to make a clean escape. I can’t take chances.”
Desperate, the husband dragged his chair closer and begged, “I swear she won’t call the police. Just let her go!”
The burglar, though firm, was touched by the man’s persistence. “Wow,” he said. “You must really love your wife to beg so hard for her.”
Out of breath, the man shouted, “No! My wife will be home in fifteen minutes.”
Closet Case Crisis
A man came home early from work and heard strange noises upstairs. He rushed to the bedroom and found his wife on the bed in her underwear, sweating and gasping.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m having a heart attack!” she cried.
He bolted downstairs to grab the phone. But before he could dial, their 4-year-old son tugged at his sleeve and said, “Daddy! Uncle Ted is hiding in the closet and he doesn’t have any clothes on!”
The man stormed upstairs, past his wife’s shouts, and ripped open the closet door. There was his brother, completely naked, crouching on the floor.
“You heartless fool!” the husband yelled. “My wife is having a heart attack and you’re running around naked, terrifying the kids!”
Under Bed Investigation
A wife wanted to test her husband’s reaction if she left him. She wrote a letter saying she was tired of him and wanted to end their marriage. She placed it on the table in the bedroom, then hid under the bed.
When her husband came home, he read the letter. After a pause, he picked up a pen and scribbled something at the bottom. Then, to her shock, he began humming, singing, and changing clothes happily.
She listened as he called someone. “Hey babe, I’ll be over soon. That fool finally realized I was cheating and left me. I never should’ve married her. I wish I had met you sooner. See you soon, love.”
He hung up and walked out.
Heartbroken, the wife crawled out from under the bed and read what he had written on the note:
“I could see your feet, silly. I’m going out to buy bread.”
Labor Pains for Gains
A couple went to the hospital to deliver their baby. The doctor offered to try a new machine that could transfer some of the mother’s labor pain to the father. Both agreed.
The doctor started at 10%, warning that it might be intense for the husband. But the man felt fine. Surprised, the doctor raised it to 20%. Still, the husband had no trouble.
The doctor then tried 50%. Again, the man felt perfectly okay.
Encouraged, the husband insisted they transfer the full amount of pain to him. With that, the wife delivered a healthy baby without discomfort. The couple was thrilled.
But when they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.
Closing Note
Did you enjoy these jokes about unlucky husbands and wives? Marriage is full of surprises, but sometimes those same people become parents—and that’s where good dad jokes come in. In fact, one man once asked the Internet for some, and the responses did not disappoint.
April Fools’ Duel
Husband: “I cheated once.”
Wife: “So did I.”
Husband: “First of Apri—”
Wife: “Eighteenth of June.”
Six Feet Under Covers
A wife was in bed with her lover when her husband’s keys rattled in the door.
“Don’t move,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t notice.”
Her husband stumbled into bed, but after a moment he squinted and said, “Wait a second. I see six feet at the end of this bed. There should only be four!”
“You’re too drunk to count,” his wife insisted. “Get up and look again from over there.”
The husband wobbled out of bed, counted carefully, and muttered, “One, two, three, four… Huh. You’re right.”
Supermarket Surprise
A man was shopping when a woman waved at him. She was attractive, and though he didn’t recognize her, she greeted him warmly.
“Do I know you?” he asked.
She replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The man’s stomach dropped. His mind flashed back to the only time he had cheated on his wife. Nervously he said, “Oh no… are you the woman from my bachelor party, near the pool—the one where I broke down crying after realizing I cheated?”
She looked at him calmly and said, “No. I’m your son’s teacher.”
Maid for a Raise
A maid asked her boss’s wife for a raise. The wife was not pleased.
Wife: “Helen, why do you think you deserve more money?”
Helen: “Three reasons. First, I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “Second, I cook better than you.”
Wife: “And who told you that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “Third, I’m a better lover than you.”
Wife: “Did my husband say that too?”
Helen: “No. The gardener did.”
Wife: “So, how much do you want?”
Wrapping It All Up
Marriage can be a comedy show all on its own—sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident. These jokes remind us that love, life, and even mistakes can have a funny side. And when husbands and wives eventually become parents, the humor only doubles.
Because at the end of the day, nothing bonds people together quite like laughter.