A man is sitting next to a woman who’s trying to br3ast-feed her baby on a bus.
The baby refuses to suck the br3ast & the mother warns, “If you don’t suck, I shall give it to the uncle next to me.”
The baby still refuses. After about 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat.
The man clears his throat and says, “Look, madam, you’d better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six bus stops ago.”
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So I was sitting on the bus, and somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”
“Sure,” I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
“What a nice lady,” I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder, and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted, and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because we’ve got no teeth,” she replied.
“Then why do you buy them?” I asked.
“Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”
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A woman had a problem with her closet door—it fell every time a bus passed, so she called a repairman.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out whenever a bus passes by.
“OK, I’m going to see what’s going on. Just close the door behind me,” he says as he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes home from work, opens the closet, and finds the repairman.
Husband: “What the hell are you doing here!”
Repairman: “Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!”