Eleanor had just turned 76 when her granddaughter gifted her an Alexa smart speaker for Christmas.
“It’ll make your life easier, Grandma,” she said. “You can ask it anything!”
Eleanor was skeptical. She didn’t trust machines that listened more than her late husband did.
Still, she gave it a try. “Alexa, what’s the weather today?”
“It’s currently 68 degrees and sunny,” Alexa chirped.
Eleanor blinked. “Well, that’s just creepy.”
A few days later, she tried again.
“Alexa, remind me to water the plants tomorrow.”
“Okay, I will remind you.”
Eleanor waited. The next day, nothing happened.
She glared at the device. “You said you’d remind me!”
Silence.
“Oh, don’t give me that tone,” she muttered.
By week two, Eleanor was yelling at Alexa daily.
“Alexa, play Elvis!” “Playing Elvis Presley.”
“Louder!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Eleanor grumbled.
“Just like Harold.”
When her friend Doris came over for tea, Eleanor proudly said, “Watch this.
Alexa, turn on the lights!”
Nothing. She walked over and flipped the switch herself. “See? She’s lazy. And probably unionized.”
After a month, Eleanor unplugged Alexa, stuffed her in a drawer, and went back to using sticky notes.
That Sunday at church, someone asked if she liked her smart speaker. She smiled sweetly. “Oh, I fired her. She couldn’t keep up.”
“The Great Retirement Heist”
After 40 years of clocking in at 6 AM, Frank finally retired.
He was excited. No more meetings. No more ties. Just fishing, naps, and… well, he hadn’t thought much beyond that.
By week two, he was losing his mind. He reorganized the spice cabinet six times.
He labeled every drawer in the garage. He even started talking to the neighbor’s cat.
One day, he turned to his wife, Linda. “I need a project.” Linda, reading her book, didn’t look up.
“Take up gardening.”
“I need something thrilling,” he said.
“Something bold.”
“Try Sudoku.”
But Frank had a better idea. He called up his old work buddy Jerry.
“Let’s rob the golf course.” There was a long pause. “…Are you having a stroke?” “No! Just hear me out.
They overcharged me for a hot dog last week.
$7.50! I say we go back and reclaim what’s ours.” The plan was ridiculous.
They wore all black at 2 p.m. in the Florida sun. Frank got stuck in a hedge, and Jerry tripped over a sprinkler.
All they managed to do was sneak into the snack bar and steal two hot dogs and a root beer.
Back at home, Linda shook her head. “Feel better now?” Frank bit into his hot dog and smiled. “Best day of retirement so far.”