I’ve only drunk alcohol once, and that was when I was 5. My mom let me have a sip of her New Year’s Champagne. After my liver had a bit of a fit, I decided right then that booze probably wasn’t for me. Wine, women, and song are nice, but I’ll pass on the wine and stick with the other two.
There are perks to being teetotal. I’ve never had a hangover. I can watch my friends crawling on my living room floor on a Sunday morning while I do the crossword. I spend little on a night out, remember everything the next day, and can use what I see as blackmail. I’ve also learned to be interesting on my own, not relying on alcohol.
But alcohol’s deeply rooted in Western life, from Spring Break shots to fancy cocktails. And if you don’t drink, people have strong opinions.