A soldier ran up to a nun.
Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”
The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the 2 MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq…”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls… I don’t want to go to Iraq either.”
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes
about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.”
“I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.”
“Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know.
“Nothing much… But he would be 165 years old.”
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army.
McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: ‘So how are your men?’ ‘Very well-trained, Gen McKenzie!’
‘I hope so. My men over at the Navy are so well-trained that they’re the bravest of men in the whole country.’ ‘Well, my men are very brave, too.’ ‘I’d like to see that.’
So Marshall calls Private Cooper and says: ‘Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!’ ‘Are you crazy? I’m out of here!’
As Private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: ‘You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.’