You’re in the middle of intimacy, and she suggests something new. It’s a specific, perhaps even intricate, position. It’s not something you’ve ever discussed, and it feels a little too practiced, a little too precise. The move is confident, but the inspiration feels foreign. In that moment, a quiet, unsettling question forms in your mind.
That new sex position she knows came from watching… a curated reality, and it’s a sign she is seeking a script for a passion that should be instinctual.
While exploring new things with a partner is a healthy part of a relationship, the sudden, unprompted introduction of a highly specific act often points to an external influence. It’s less about the position itself and more about the source of the inspiration. Here’s what it likely means.
The Source Isn’t Just “Research”
It’s naive to think this came from a casual article titled “5 Spices to Add to Your Love Life.” The specificity suggests a visual and performative source.
- It came from pornography. This is the most common source. Mainstream pornography is a performance industry, not an instructional guide to intimacy. The positions are designed for camera angles, not necessarily for mutual pleasure or emotional connection. Her knowing a specific position from this source suggests she is internalizing a scripted, often impersonal, version of sex.
- It came from an ex-lover. This is the more personally threatening source. It suggests a direct comparison. The move is now a ghost in your bedroom, a muscle memory from a past relationship. It introduces an unspoken benchmark, making you wonder if you’re being measured against a previous partner’s performance.
- It came from a “how-to” guide from a friend. While less intimate, this still points to a problem: a lack of direct communication with you. She is seeking advice and scripts from her social circle instead of having an open, vulnerable conversation with you about her desires.
The Deeper Message Behind the Move
The new position itself is just the symptom. The underlying condition is a communication breakdown or a specific fantasy she feels she can’t voice.
- She is bored. The routine has become predictable, and she is seeking a way to inject novelty. Instead of saying, “I feel our sex life has become routine,” she is acting out a solution she found elsewhere.
- She has a specific fantasy she’s uncomfortable articulating. The position might be a gateway to a deeper desire she feels is too “taboo” or “weird” to ask for directly. By introducing the position, she is testing the waters to see if you’re open to a broader theme.
- She feels a performance pressure. She may believe that “good sex” requires a repertoire of acrobatic moves, a belief heavily reinforced by media and pornography. She is trying to “level up” to meet a perceived standard, rather than focusing on the unique connection between the two of you.
What to Do: Connect, Don’t Confront
Accusing her of getting it from porn or an ex will only create shame and defensiveness. The goal is to reconnect the intimacy that this scripted move has momentarily disrupted.
- Acknowledge and Praise, Then Inquire. “Wow, that was new and exciting. I love exploring with you. What gave you the idea for that?” Your tone should be curious and turned on, not interrogative.
- Reclaim the Narrative. If she admits it was from a movie or an article, you can gently steer it back to your shared experience. “That was hot. How did it feel for you? Should we tweak it to make it even better for us?”
- Open the Door to Communication. Use this as a springboard. “I love that you’re thinking about new ways for us to connect. It makes me want to share some of my own ideas, too. Maybe we can explore together.”
That new position isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it is a signal. It’s a sign that her mind is elsewhere, gathering scripts and directions for your shared intimacy. Your job isn’t to become the star of her internal movie, but to gently guide her back to the unscripted, improvisational, and uniquely personal play that only the two of you can write together. The greatest intimacy lies not in perfectly executing a move, but in the messy, communicative, and co-created space between you.