Every morning, the young courthouse clerk faced the same impossible task: deliver a piping-hot cup of coffee to Judge Henderson’s chambers. And every morning, the same scene played out—the judge’s face would turn crimson as he slammed the two-thirds-full cup on his desk.
“This is unacceptable!” the judge bellowed daily. “I pay you to bring a full cup!”
The clerk, wiping sweat from his brow, always gave the same explanation: “Your Honor, if I walk slowly enough to prevent spills, the coffee gets cold. I thought you preferred it hot…”
After weeks of failed threats and insults, the judge finally played his trump card. Leaning across his oak desk, he hissed: “One more short pour, and I’ll deduct one-third of your paycheck.”
The clerk paled. “Yes, Your Honor.”
The next morning, the judge received a brimming cup—steaming hot, not a drop spilled. Day after day, the miracle continued, until the judge couldn’t resist crowing about his managerial brilliance.
“See? All you needed was proper motivation!” he gloated.
The clerk smiled innocently. “Actually, Your Honor, I just take an extra mouthful outside the breakroom and… replenish what spills during transit.”
The judge’s gavel slipped from his fingers. The courtroom stenographer choked on her mint. Somewhere, a law clerk’s soul left their body.
As for the coffee?
Judge Henderson suddenly developed a taste for tea.
A woman was sued by a man for defamation of character.
He charged that she had called him a pig.
She was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, she asked the judge: “Does this mean I cannot call Mr. Johnson a pig?”
The judge said that was true.
“Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mr. Johnson?” asked the woman.
The judge replied that she could indeed call a pig Mr. Johnson with no fear of being charged with a crime.
The woman turned, looked directly at Mr. Johnson, and said, “Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson.”
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say: “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”