Why Church Ladies Blush at Certain Hymns…see more
There’s a quiet scandal unfolding in pews across America every Sunday—one that has nothing to do with the sermon. Watch closely when the organ starts playing Just As I Am or In the Garden, and you’ll spot them: respectable women of a certain age fanning themselves just a little too vigorously, their eyes fixed straight ahead as their minds wander somewhere far less holy.
Here’s what’s really happening when the choir hits those high notes…
The Unholy Triggers
- “Blessed Assurance”
- Why it flusters them: That line about “perfect submission” hits differently when they remember last Tuesday’s “prayer meeting” with the widowed deacon
- The tell: Suddenly adjusting their skirt while humming just a beat too loudly
- “How Great Thou Art”
- The danger zone: The crescendo on “Then sings my soul” coinciding with memories of that fireman from the church picnic
- The giveaway: A poorly timed cough during the verse about “rolling thunder”
- “Amazing Grace”
- The trigger: “Was blind but now I see” recalling the moment they realized the new associate pastor wasn’t wearing a wedding ring
- The slip-up: Fumbling the hymnal when reaching for the alto part
The Choir Loft Confessions
These godly women would never admit it, but:
- 63% have fantasized about the bass section during communion
- 42% know exactly which pew creaks the loudest (from “staying late to pray”)
- 28% have compared the Ten Commandments to their personal “would/would not” list
Why the Pastor Never Notices
He’s too busy:
- Mistaking flushed cheeks for spiritual fervor
- Assuming rapid fanning means menopause, not memories of the church handyman’s muscles
- Believing all that “extra volunteering” is for heavenly rewards
The Real Reason They Keep Coming Back
It’s not just about salvation—it’s about:
- The way the sunlight hits the stained glass during 11am services (same lighting as that motel off Route 9)
- The thrill of whispering “Amen” to something far less pious
- The perfect alibi of being “at Bible study” every Thursday night
The next time you hear Rock of Ages…
Watch which ladies suddenly need to “find a tissue.”
But don’t judge—even saints have to get their thrills somewhere.