The doctor says to the patient, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”
The patient says, “Hear the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is that you have 24 hours left to live.”
The patient is shocked and asks, “And the bad news?”
The doctor says “I should have told you yesterday.”
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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me a drink, and then give me another one. If I’m not drunk yet, give me another one.” The bartender says, “Why? Are you trying to get drunk?” The man says, “No, I’m here to fix the air conditioner.”
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Two men are playing golf on the course. One man suddenly shouts, “Watch out! The ball is coming at you!” The other man quickly ducks his head. As a result, the ball flies over his head and hits the woman behind him. The woman is furious and says, “Why didn’t you watch out!” The man says innocently, “I thought he shouted ‘forehead’.”